Cold hands, warm shart.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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