maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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