I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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