TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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