She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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