I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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