At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize