I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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