Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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