i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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