so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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