at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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