farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize