his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
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I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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