I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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