We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last night I used snow as a chaser
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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