I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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