"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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