I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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