He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize