First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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