It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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