i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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