K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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