im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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