Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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