That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize