i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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