Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Couch. On fire.
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