I should be sponsored by Trojan
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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