Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize