Its about making memories worth repressing
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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