You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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