there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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