Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize