I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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