I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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