A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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