Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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