so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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