I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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