i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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