Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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