You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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