no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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