Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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