Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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