Kiss
Puke
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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