my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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