Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
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I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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